The Secret to Building Your Relationship IQ

Did you ever want to give up on your relationship?  Everyone thinks they know how to love.  I realized how much I really didn’t know about the skills and strategies needed to live in a passionate, loving, fun relationship until after my divorce.    I learned the hard way.  But I have benefitted because I have used those painful situations as opportunities to dig deeper into what it really takes to create a relationship you love.  What have you used as your model of relationships?

Once you are in an established relationship, the very traits you admired in your partner initially can cause conflicts a few months or years later.  Then it is tempting to focus on what you don’t like about them and the relationship spirals down.  Why is that?

“Relationships are a path to consciousness, healing and growth.” Shakti Gawain

Your relationships, especially those closest to you serve as mirrors. They are here to teach you and show you parts of yourself that you have disowned, hidden or suppressed. Any time you are triggered, blaming, or judging others as being wrong or the cause of your unhappiness, you are likely in projection. Projection is your way of saying a situation is about them rather than realizing it is about you. When you are upset with others, the truth is there is something that you can’t be with about yourself.

The secret is if you could take a new perspective . If you could see that whenever another person does something that upsets you,  it’s an opportunity to heal that part in you.  It’s not about making them wrong or lamblasting them.  It’s about you. 

  • The other person is there to deliver a message for you.
  • The other person is there to show you a part of yourself that you can’t see, consciously or unconsciously.
  • The other person and the relationship is there to serve you to become the greatest, grandest version of you.

I’m sure you are saying, how could that be, they said, or did, this or that to me.  That might be true, but you reacted to it because of something within you.  You have given away your peace and love, you are upset. Have you noticed often the same type of arguments come up, or ways you react to situations? The key is to heal that projection so that you can be happier and live in more joyful, loving ways. Then, you won’t be triggered by “that” anymore.  It’s a wonderful tool to have because you are in charge of your happiness, not someone else.

Relationships are meant to be a wonderful bonding of two people in love.  Too often you don’t have the skills and strategies to help you maneuver through life’s differences and challenges.  This creates unhealthy behaviors and builds up hurts, anger, rage and depression.   Knowing this secret, you can have a more peaceful way to solving the hurt or conflicts that show up in your life.

If you are interested in knowing the steps and process to release these projections and to build the relationship of your dreams, contact me at or sign-up for a discovery session.