Category: Love Your Life Blog

Learning to love yourself can be a lifelong journey of self-discovery. For me it has been a valuable process. It was shameful to hear the way I talked to myself. I expected that I would do everything perfectly, so when I didn’t perform like that, the blasts of criticism would happen inside my head. I am pleased to say today that most of my self-talk is much kinder and affirming. I do lots of affirmation especially in times of struggle or fear. One of the gifts from my spiritual journey has been to learn about self-love and how to honor myself. Self-love is knowing you are enough and knowing you are valuable. The most important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself. From this relationship, you teach others how to treat you. Love yourself, believe in yourself. What area of your life could you use some more self-love?

As we think about what we want for our new year, it is important to choose something to focus on that you really want rather than what you think you should do or do what you think others want you to do. When it is of our desire, the likelihood you will stick with it will increase. I recently read One Word by Jon Gordon and two other authors. They share that about 85% percent of people never follow through with their goals, resolutions or milestones. This book has some new insights that seem pretty promising as well as meaningful. They suggest you choose one word for the year that will change your life. This word should give meaning and focus to your life. They suggest you choose the word through reflection, prayer and listening to your heart for the word to come to you.

My husband and I shared in this process. His word was growth and mine was courageous. As we were reflecting on our words, we wanted to make sure that it represented all aspects of our lives. How does this word reflect your work, your spiritual life, your financial world, your physical world and your mental world? What would your word be? How can you involve your family or colleagues at work in this process? Imagine how it would be if everyone around you lived to be better today than they were yesterday by focusing on their word, their desire. Take a moment to find your word that could lead you to your best life in 2013.

I am one who believes in goals, resolutions and focus. I believe it sets the tone of where you are going in your life. Otherwise, life just happens and we feel frustrated and powerless. I do know that approximately 85% of people who set resolutions at the beginning of the year, fall off them quickly. I have been one of those people many times.

For me, it’s important to put some structure in as I set goals or intentions. For instance one of the goals, I continue to have is to lose some weight. I need to know what that means for me, what my desired weight is, and when I intend to accomplish the process. I would like to be 15 pounds lighter by spring break. How do I plan on creating that? Here are some steps: Set some milestones along the way; Break it down so it feels more realistic and more achievable; and, Get some pictures of yourself at the weight you’d love to be, keep those every place. If you don’t have some you like, find some pictures in magazines of the shape you believe you can be, and replace your face in it. You have to see it to be it. Find some “accountability partner” to help you on your journey. When we have someone to share this with, we are more likely to keep to our plan. It’s not to judge or make you wrong it is someone with whom you have to be responsible to that will help you along the way. Success happens when we truly desire something rather than feel like something is being taken away. We can give away that which we no longer want.

What will sustain us is the joy and pleasure of the process. How are you willing to take control of your life and feel free because it is what you truly desire? For me, one of the steps I am in taking in my process of being lighter by spring break, is to teach a Course in Weight Loss, 21 Spiritual Lessons for Surrendering Your Weight Forever by Marianne Williamson. Join us on the journey.

This time of year it might not be so easy to remember the most important things in life are our friends and family. With the hustle and bustle of the holidays, we often get caught up in all the pressure of the parties or activities we have to go to, the financial worries of affording the gifts we’d love to give, meeting the needs of others or the anxiety of pleasing others. We forget to slow down and savor in the reason we are able to do all these things. What a gift it is to have friends or colleagues that invite you to parties or events.

How could you shift your thinking about the pressure of having to go to these events to one of gratitude that I have been “gifted” to have people around me that care enough about me to invite me? We read every day about people that are homeless or without others in their lives. How blessed we are to have others that care about us. How could you shift the worry about affording gifts to one of knowing that whatever you give from the heart is received with love? Some of the best gifts I have received are the words my friends and family write in a card or a note, or the times they stopped by to say hello. As a people-pleaser myself, it is easy to feel the anxiety of trying to make sure I have done what others want. The key is to balance this need. This is our life, and we need to make sure that as we please others, we have not neglected ourselves.

During this holiday season, honor yourself by making sure each week you take time for yourself too. For me, that is exercising with my friends and family, and spending time just being with my friends and family. When I make sure that I do those things most important to me, I can enjoy the hustle and bustle of all I have to do. So, as the pressures mount for the season events, I am able to truly feel blessed with all I have in my life rather than feel drained and worn out from the external demands of the holiday season. How are you choosing to experience this holiday season? Is it running you, or are you choosing to enjoy the season’s opportunities?

“Trade your expectation for appreciation
and the world changes instantly.”
— Tony Robbins

One of the areas I feel like I have had great growth is this area of gratitude versus expectations. It’s sad to say that I didn’t spend a lot of time in gratitude. My mind and life were more focused on achievement and meeting expectations, mine and others.

I remember as I was going through my coaching course, we had an exercise of making moments meaningful. It was hard for me as I was driven to hard work and succeeding at whatever I was doing. So for me, it was about expectations of achieving and if I didn’t do perfect work, then there was internal warfare. I was beating myself up about what wasn’t perfect. I never saw that I had so much to be grateful for in my life. How could I make moments meaningful when they weren’t perfect? I didn’t see that I could have broken down all the parts of any situation and really acknowledged how well I, or we, did on that project or situation. I only saw what we didn’t do.

I remember what a HUGE breakthrough moment that was for me. I realized that instead of looking through the eyes of gratitude and appreciation, I was looking through the eyes of judgment. So for me to find moments that were meaningful, it was illusive to begin with on this exercise. It was also one of the most freeing moments when I realized how much I had going on in my life. It was fine to take the time whether mentally or verbally to honor all I had going. I rarely took the time to appreciate and honor others or myself. I thought you wouldn’t achieve if you lessen the hold or expectation.

Don’t get me wrong, expectations and achieving are great things. The issue was when I couldn’t accept anything but perfection. A big example for me was how I wanted my children to behave. It was fine to expect them to be well-behaved. The problem was that I expected them to be perfect so I put lots of pressure and unrealistic expectations on them. I was and still am so blessed to have amazing kids. It was when I didn’t understand that I can have high expectations and still be affirming, grateful and gentle with myself and others. We are all glad that I have loosened the reins. Another way, I could have handled the situation was I could acknowledge what was happening and not just dwell on what wasn’t. I could have focused on what I wanted rather than dwell where I didn’t want my life to go. I am so grateful for the growth in my life.

Where in your life, could you take some time to find ways that your expectations and achievements are keeping you focused on the negative? How could you have a shift, create a miracle in your life, by altering the way you look at a situation? Where could you shower yourself and others with more gratitude, appreciation and acknowledgement? Take the time to do it.

My husband and I travel quite a bit. We are blessed people and so very grateful for all the opportunities of travel. It is something we love to do. Many of the trips are long weekend trips, but others we embark upon are some adventures of a lifetime.

We just returned from a long weekend in Tahoe. Tahoe is one of our favorite places. It has special sentiments for us. We were married on the mountain top at Incline Village five years ago this month. We had a great weekend with friends, and my son and his girlfriend. What a special treat that was for us. We had a lot to be grateful for just by being with them and making new memories. It snowed a few days while we were there. We were able to get outside and enjoy the beauty of the snow covered mountains and lake. It was absolutely breathtaking. There is something magical that happens for us in Tahoe. Just being outdoors there opens our souls and hearts. We are grateful that we have found a spot that really touches our beings. Do you have those places you go to so you are able to revive your soul?

So as we returned last evening, my husband was going through pictures from a variety of our trips. He asked if I thought we were grateful enough for the fabulous life we live and of all the places we have experienced. I could easily exclaim “YES.” Where in your life can you easily exclaim a YES on being grateful for the life you live? Where in your life could you be more grateful for the everyday things that happen?

In order for life to be all you want it to be, you must take time to exclaim the moments in your life that are really special to you. Too often life passes by without you taking the time each day to honor the many blessings you have to be grateful. Where in your life could you wake up to the blessings and move away from seeing them as routine ways of your day?

Years ago I read a book called Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach that changed my life. In that book, the author asks that at the end of each day, write down at least 3 things for which you are grateful. At that time I was going through a divorce, and it was difficult to think about being grateful. I remember how hard it was to think of even 3 things to be grateful. What a dark place I was in then. Today I can write pages and pages about the daily things I have to be grateful for in my life. Just to realize the progress I have made in my life of opening my world to the abundance life provides is such a gift. I am so grateful. I am reminded of all I have to be grateful for as I hear about crisis like Hurricane Sandy. Why does it take crisis like this to get our attention, to wake us up?

I am so pleased that I have chosen to be a spiritual empowerment coach because I have the privilege of helping people fulfill some of their dreams, to tap into their gifts and to see how much is available in their lives. They leave our sessions feeling much more grateful for all they have and have to offer the world.

In one of my coaching lessons, we talk about how do you make every day special? One of the ways is to become aware of how much you have to be grateful for in each day. When we focus on something, we give it power, we create more of it. Just think of things like: how nice it is to wake up in the morning; how nice it is to have had a bed and warm place to sleep and live; how nice it is to have someone to care about you, or check in with you; how nice it is to have a job or an income coming in; or how blessed you are to have your health, to be able to walk or run. Did someone smile at you today? Did someone hold a door open for you today? Did you do a kind deed for someone today? It’s mostly a matter of really paying attention to life and all the ways we really have to give and receive gratitude. Where we you begin?

The greatest prayer you can say is “Thank you.”

What a lesson in my life it has been to be more grateful. For so much of my life, I took all these things for granted. I didn’t think about making each day special by acknowledging the great things that have happened in my day or the multitude of things I had to be grateful. I hope with this Thanksgiving month, you take a moment each evening and write down at least 3 things you are grateful for in your day and life.

I love being on this spiritual journey. It has taught me so much about myself. It has allowed me to shift from being a victim to being responsible for my life. It is so much more empowering and freeing. I feel like I am in charge of my life rather than feel like it is dictated by others or other circumstances. I am not always so pure about being responsible. There are certain things that get triggered and I resort back to trying to blame someone or something else. For instance here is a silly example, my husband and I take nightly walks. I always get the house key. He was in a hurry tonight because he wanted to get back to watch the ballgames. I couldn’t find the key and was making him wait. I looked where it usually was. I couldn’t find it. I looked a few other places and couldn’t find it there. Finally, I went back to where we keep it, and it was there. Well, when I went to meet him outside, I wanted to make up some excuse about the key rather than take responsibility that I just didn’t see it. I wanted to “look” a certain way; I didn’t want to look like a ditz. I wanted to “please” him by hurrying but I was holding us back. So instead of making excuses, I owned the situation. I didn’t allow myself to belittle myself or make myself “wrong” about the situation. I just told him what happened and we enjoyed our walk.

This is just a small example of the ways you interact in life with others. I had to become aware of the choices I was making. Why did I need to blame something else, not take ownership? Do I want to please others? Do I need others think I was perfect? What was the self-talk I was hearing? Why was I letting these simple things create a big ordeal in my mind? What is driving your life? What are my priorities? Am I in integrity with what I say I want in my life? Why was I afraid of just telling the truth?

Discover what beliefs, justifications and excuses are guiding your decisions. What roles are you playing? What do you feel like you need to “live up to?” What are you hiding from? Look at this with compassion. Be the observer. Do not judge yourself, but just notice. Awareness is the first step along the path to discover your authentic self. Without awareness, there are simply automatic behaviors. You will continue to react and pull yourself down with learned behaviors that may no longer be serving you. Awareness is the opportunity to release old patterns of behavior and embrace new ways of interacting in life. Take time to discover more about yourself. It’s so freeing to know you have another choice.

We had the best weekend. We were able to discover new places and new opportunities. Bo’s cousin’s son was married at River Edge in southeastern Oklahoma and we were invited to be a part of the festivities. We didn’t even know this place existed. The wedding was outdoor with friends and family. We were able to be surrounded by all these people who loved and cared about John and Amey. We were sponges learning about the connections with everyone. Life provides so many opportunities to grow and expand your horizons if you are open and willing to take advantage of what is possible.

A few years back we had stayed in some cabins that are nearby at Eagle Cliff by Octavia. They were fabulous and we thought we had found paradise when we found those. This area was just as fabulous if you enjoy outdoor adventure. There are so many possibilities. River Edge has canoeing, biking, hiking, fishing and relaxing. The property is beautiful and very secluded. The scenery is gorgeous. The trees were changing and the views were spectacular wherever you looked.
The cabins are fabulous and quite romantic. Each cabin is located on the river’s edge. No television, just beautiful decks on your cabins to sit out and enjoy the sounds and view the wildlife. We spotted a huge owl in the tree in the front yard of our cabin. I had never seen one so large, it was exciting. We saw 6 deer on our hike. There was so much to do and enjoy with little time to take it all in. We will return.

There is so much to discover right here in Oklahoma. How are you taking time to discover another world around you? Are you open to the possibilities that life presents you? Are you grateful for it?

The purpose of life is to grow into your perfection. The joy in life comes as you tap into your own gifts. That means you are to become yourself, not anyone else. You don’t need what other people have. You need only what lies within you. Everything is within you. You have heard about how Michelangelo carved the statue of David by chiseling away all that wasn’t him. That is the same thing for you. To discover your perfection, you begin the process of shedding the layers that are not the Divine you. Where do you begin?

The Course of Miracles says your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that have been built against it. Are you loving yourself? Who are you? The task then is to remove blocks, whether they are obstacles in the forms of hurts, un-forgiveness, outdated beliefs or resentments. Our growth occurs as the result of removing these obstacles and not actually from the need to acquire anything new. Yet, many of us think we have to have another degree, a certain job, hang out with a certain group of people, our bank account to be a certain amount of money before we are worthy or good enough. For me, I thought it was the other way around. I thought if I had it all together, then I would be worthy enough to have what I desired. The truth is that my Ph.D. and promotions filled some desires that I had but not the aching of my heart. The desire for those achievements was more to prove myself rather than seeing them as a tool to help me fulfill my heart’s passion. Where can you shift your thinking to align with discovering your perfection, to follow your heart?

You are shaped by the hopes and aspirations of your parents and the world around you. As you enter adulthood and begin living your own life, are you living your dreams or someone else’s dreams? Do you know you have a choice to live the life you want and deserve? Discover if you are living the life you wish to live. Each phase of your life is meant to be fulfilling not just going through the motion of moving into the next day doing the same things.  Begin to discover the life you desire rather than one you feel others expect of you. Are you a pleaser? Are you competing to show someone that you are better than a sibling you were compared to growing up? Are you proving yourself worthy? What grudges are you holding that you can remove? Where do you need to forgive yourself as well as where do you need to forgive others? Begin to see where you need to remove obstacles or shed layers of your past life that are no longer serving you to grow into your perfection. Discover what it is that you need at this time in your life to feel your heart’s desires. Have the courage to take steps towards reaching it. This is your life. You were given the present of your life at this time and place to fulfill a need. You will discover more and more about yourself as you pay attention to what feels right for you. Just like a garden, you need to cultivate the soil to allow plants to grow. Let go of all that is no longer serving you, claim that which is right for you today. You were meant for great things.  Keep the flame burning and keep your thoughts focused on what you desire.