Category: Love Your Life Blog

A key to Loving Your Life is to FOCUS ON WHAT YOU WANT. It is sometimes easier said than done. We were recently invited to go to the Paul McCartney concert in Dallas with one of my husband’s clients. If you know us, we love to go. My husband LOVES concerts and how fun is it to see one of the Beatles? Our energy was pretty high!

As we were standing in line waiting for the doors to open, the group behind us was REALLY making an ordeal about having to wait. It was past the time the doors were to open. They were making a scene about it. It made me think about how often in life I have done this same thing- focusing on the negative rather than on what I want. I have spent endless energy on complaining rather than enjoying the opportunity I was given. I mean we were in line to see Paul McCartney. The evening was beautiful. They were with friends or family. It was to be an evening full of fun and entertainment.

As you think about creating the life you love, where in your life are you focusing more on what you DON’T want rather than on what you want? It is said that you have 60,000 thoughts in a day and approximately 80% of them are the same as yesterday. Marci Shimoff says that 75% of them are negative, which means focusing on what you don’t want. How can YOU break that and create the life you love?

Below share with me one idea you can take to focus on creating the life you love. What shift can you make to have more of your thoughts on the life you LOVE? Begin today to make your mantra – focus on what I want!

What a wonderful country I live in to have all the freedom the USA offers. July 4th is a great reminder to honor our country and all the people before us who have paved the path for us to live this amazing freedom.

As a woman, I think about the great stride made in my lifetime where I have more freedom.

• During college, woman couldn’t wear pants. Today, woman can mostly wear anything they desire.

• 75 percent of women 25 to 54 years old are working, up from around 40 percent in the 1950s.

• When I began college, typical degrees that were offered for women were nursing, teaching or MRS. (getting married). Today, there are so many options for women. We still have a long way to go in many fields but we have come a long way!

• There is more equality in the workplace for women. We still don’t have equal number of women in the upper management positions or equal pay we hope to have someday. Wow, what freedom and opportunities we do have compared to when I entered the workplace.

• Men are sharing caretaking and housekeeping tasks in greater numbers than when I first was married.

• “What happened on the road to gender equality?” said Suzanne Bianchi, a sociologist at the University of Maryland. “A lot of work happened.” Bianchi, who studies time-use surveys done by the Census Bureau and others, has concluded that contrary to popular belief, the broad movement of women into the paid labor force did not come at the expense of their children. Not only did fathers spend more time with children, but working mothers, she found, spent an average of 12 hours a week on child care in 2003, an hour more than stay-at-home mothers did in 1975.

This holiday allowed me to take a moment and reflect on the freedom I feel. It was neat to feel the progress made in my lifetime. I am blessed to be part of this great land of opportunities and freedom.

One of the most fun things about the relationship Bo and I have is the adventurous spirit we share. We both like keeping our relationship alive and fun. At the first of the month, we marked off another item from our bucket lists. We both had this one. We spent a week white water rafting in the Grand Canyon on the Colorado River. We were ONE with it!!! It was absolutely the most breathtaking and fun adventure. It was so unbelievable to see the magnificence of the Canyon, to learn about the geology, enjoy the white water, hike, meet new adventurers, and just capture the essence of one of the wonders of the world. Oh, my!

The hiking adventures were amazing to climb into caves, to straddle cliffs, to shimmy through crevices to find waterfalls, to trek to rapids to float through them. Each hike was an adventure itself never mind all the other things we got to do in a day. We’d raft awhile each day, stop for lunch, hike (some days, two hikes), raft some more, and then our guide leader would choose the perfect site to camp. We’d stake out our spot to set up our tent as the other people on the trip chose theirs. Since we really don’t do much camping, it was quite the adventure for Bo and me to put up our tents. The first two nights we were lucky because it went up quickly. The third night was too funny. We could not figure it out for a while. Finally once we had gotten it, Bo said let’s remember this bar goes over the green spot on the tent, and this one goes here, etc. How easy would that have been from the start? It was 5 nights in sleeping bags and a tent. The 6th night on the river we stayed in bunk beds in a dorm room with the 6 other people and our guide who would walk out of the Grand Canyon with us. It was ecstasy because we had a toilet and a shower that wasn’t river water.

Our final day, we walked out of the Grand Canyon from Phantom Ranch. It was a 9.7 mile hike that started at 2500 elevation to 7000 on the South Rim of the Grand Canyon. Wow, what an amazing climb – to see where we had been as we climbed higher and higher – nearly 6 hours later. Talk about an adventure of a lifetime! What adventure is on your list?

(We went with OARS Adventure group. They take care of all the details, we just enjoyed the experience.)

Sometimes in our lives we tend to escape from reality and live in a fantasy world. Sometimes it can be helpful. Other times it can keep us stuck or frustrated with life. Is there some place in your life you tend to escape or put off dealing with a situation?

Fantasies can help us use our imagination and create ideas for our lives. Often though, we keep these ideas as fantasies rather take the action to make them a reality in our lives. In coaching we talk about “someday fantasy” and “escape fantasy.”

• An example of a someday fantasy is when I lose that 15 pounds, I will feel good about myself. In truth, you need to feel good about yourself at whatever weight you are. Too often it has been proven that even when you lose that weight, you still don’t feel good about yourself. If that is what is holding you back, think about some action you could do today, to feel good about yourself. Is that take a walk, call an old friend you haven’t spoken to or just spend some quiet time with yourself? Then, acknowledge yourself, appreciate yourself. Begin the journey of feeling good about yourself today, and watch what will happen with your weight.
• An example of an escape fantasy is that I’ll be a famous rock star. What is it that you like about that fantasy? Is it being on stage? The Music? The Attention? What action can you take right now that would give you the feelings that the fantasy brings up for you? If it is attention you like about being a rock star, where in your life can you give yourself some attention?

Take notice of all that you do whether for others or yourself. Write those down. Say some gratitude prayers at the end of the day to notice all the things you do. Then give others some attention, notice them, say things about what you notice about them. Before you know, you will have those feelings you were hoping you would receive from your fantasy. Once you take the actions on your fantasies, you have now moved into the possibility of reality for your life. You will feel more satisfied and fulfilled with action than staying stuck in the fantasy world.

My husband and I were listening to our weekly Joel Osteen message. The message was about are you activating faith or fear in your life. He talked about having discipline with your thoughts. What you are thinking is what you are inviting into your life. Take a look at your life and see if you have what you desire. If not, pay attention to your thinking. Become conscious or aware of what you are saying. Ask yourself if what you are saying is really what you want.

Joel talked about how fear will take over your thoughts if you allow it. He shared that you pay attention to all the messages you hear around you – flu season, get your shot so you won’t catch it; economy is bad – afraid I’ll be laid off. Why not instead, think more positive thoughts instead of put yourself in the worry or negative aspect of the situation? You attract that which you give the most energy. Trust that you will be provided for, and that you will be healthy and free from illness. You get that which you desire. Too often you get the opposite of what you think you are asking because you haven’t disciplined yourself to be aware of what you are saying. Most people don’t think they are asking for the flu. Pay attention to the conversations around you. I can guarantee you from the conversations I hear, and all the attention people give to it, they are attracting it to their life.

How about you? The key to shifting your negative thoughts is to have some discipline with what you think, say, do and believe. What area of your life could use some discipline with your thoughts? How can you start paying attention to what you are attracting in your life with your thinking? Where could you shift the negative thinking to a more positive focus on what you desire? Most often, all it takes is a little discipline to shift your thinking on what you want rather than on what you don’t want.

Now that I am working at home for my business one of the things I have to make sure I do is create some discipline in my schedule. It is easy for me to squander away days working out, going to lunch with friends and running up to the city to be with my daughter and sometimes walk her dogs. What a great life to be free and do as I please when I want, yet I have big plans for my life. Without some focus and discipline, my dream will only be a fantasy rather than the reality of my heart.

I am working on building my coaching business. In order to do that, I have to create some boundaries and set some timelines to achieve my dream. There are lots of steps to take to do. So if I am not disciplined and inspired enough to do the work, I could easily put off moving ahead. The freedom, discipline and inspiration keep me pumped up to do the many steps needed to create my business!!!

Where in your life could discipline help make your life easier, more meaningful and productive? Or even fulfill your dream?

My husband and I just finished our 24 day Advocare Challenge with success. Our son and daughter-in-law had recently completed it and had great results losing some weight so we decided we would try. The program has a plan and is very structured. My husband said he could do anything for 24 days. He liked the idea of a focused program. The discipline of a defined plan was helpful by taking one day at a time. It was nice to have each other to remind us what we were to do for that day. We were disciplined to get the exact food and supplements for each meal we needed out for the day. The first 10 days is the cleanse period. The last 14 days are burn days and refuel days. Each meal and snack is clearly defined.

Lots of thoughts popped up for me around the discipline of all of this. It was really helpful to have the plan and structure. It gave us a focus each day. We knew what we needed to do.  Too much of this would feel too confining and unrealistic. I am sure that is why they figured 24 days was a good number of days for you to feel rewarded with some good results. We both felt really good about being disciplined enough to follow the plan. The structure was helpful for us in this goal we had chosen. It took discipline and support for us during this Challenge. Where could you use some discipline in your life?

When you hear the word discipline, what is the first thing that pops up for you? Many of us have some resistance around the word because of growing up and how it was used with us. I grew up in a military family where my father was the boss. There were very strict rules and guidelines – yes, sir, yes, mam, lots of order and discipline. You had dinner at 5 p.m., the 4 girls cleaned up, did homework, bathed and got to bed and did the same routine each evening. We all had our chores to do on given days and times. We had to be home at the exact time we were told to be in, or we would be grounded an evening for every minute we were late. I felt like it was rigid but I became a disciplined person.

As I grew older, I could make other choices on how I handled my life if I desired. At first, I didn’t realize there were other ways of doing things. But as I had more of life experiences, I saw all kinds of ways of handling situations like being on time to work, school or appointments. Wow, was I glad I knew how to be on time.

Like most things, I think you realize the wisdom in some of the things you were taught. I have been grateful that I had the discipline and order in my life because it allowed me to be someone that people could count on. It provided me with some structure and security by knowing what to expect. The downsize is that I, too, became rigid in the ways I expected things to be done. Later, I realized most things didn’t have to be so right or wrong. Life has a way of mellowing you.

What I know from my coaching, discipline is a major tool to living the best life you can. Discipline actually frees you because you have established boundaries for your life. It allows you to follow through with your commitments, set some structures and anchors in your life, take responsibility for your actions, and do what you say you are going to do.

Where in your life could you use more discipline?  Or less?

It’s been a good week to reflect on self love and how I am living it each day. As I think about how I care for myself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, I think about the balance of these. For me the week was a fabulous week physically. I pushed myself in a few different ways – walked Hefner Lake with a friend, Bo and I hiked Lake Thunderbird 8 ½ miles and then I took a physically challenging aerobic class that pushed my heart rate plus all my other yoga classes, trainer and walking I do. I also ate very healthy – my husband and I are doing the 24 Day Challenge from Advocare.

Mentally, I finished a book I was reading, did some magazine reading, did some research on some speakers, and played Spider Solitaire. Emotionally, I shared lots of love this week since Valentines was here. I also had to do some apologizing. Bo was being so kind and was trying to help me. I was frustrated at the time, and complained rather than saying Yes even though it didn’t fit what I thought at the time. He was being so good and I was a grump. I immediately went to apologize and acknowledge his great offerings. Because I thought if I want someone to do something for me, why would they when I act like I did. (Notice how you might send a mixed message that you really don’t want). He was trying to be helpful, and I do appreciate that yet my response was hurtful.

And, Spiritually, I did 30 minutes of meditation each day, read my daily spiritual books, read all my online inspirational messages, watched Joel Osteen with Bo, listened in my car to Abraham-Hicks CD and tried to live with more love and joy. What I haven’t always done so well, is acknowledge myself for taking good care of me, loving all I do good for myself. I mostly didn’t even pay attention to it.

Today I have been trying to love myself more, I do take notice. I know when I’m out of balance. I know when I haven’t been outdoors enough. I know it so it is one of the clues to myself to amp up what I am doing to show some self love. Nature fuels my soul. I know when I haven’t emotionally taken care of that which is important to me. Mostly for me that is am I giving quality time and being 100% present to those I care about.

What fuels you?

It is amazing how the universe will provide you exactly what you need when you ask. We often have our mind set on the outcomes we desire so we aren’t really open to have greater answers come to us. Since Self-Love is the topic for the month, I have been thinking about it, and how I could share some thoughts with you about it. Then I received a newsletter from Christine Arylo.  She has written a book on Self Love, she does workshops all over the place on the topic. So I decided that I would include her work from the newsletter I received from her. Her website is MadlyinLovewithMe.com. I hope you take the time to do some of the love actions:

1. MAKE A SELF LOVE PROMISE & KEEP IT ALL YEAR LONG this Self Love Day, Feb 13th
February 13th is the international day of self-love – a day dedicated to choosing the ONE branch of self-love that most needs your love and attention this year and then make a self-love promise that you use throughout the entire year to give yourself PERMISSION to act in ways that support that branch of self-love. The promise acts like an anchor point to pull you out of acting from fear, obligation, exhaustion, overwhelm, shame, guilt and instead empowers you to choose the loving action for yourself.

LOVE ACTION: Make a date with yourself on February 13th – spend it with yourself deepening your relationship with yourself and making this promise. Or do it with a group of friends. And you can also join me at the Self Love Concert from anywhere in the world, where we will all be taking a personal self-love promise – www.SelfLoveConcert.com AND if you want to throw a self-love party any day in February, sign up here and I’ll send you a free party pack! Go here.

2. AMP UP YOUR DAILY SELF LOVE PRACTICE – everyday this month
When people ask me how do you really love yourself, I always say that self-love is a choice you make in every moment, and the more you practice loving yourself on a daily basis, the more able you are to make choices from small to big that align with what really serves you best. So wherever you are in your relationship with yourself – whether it really solid or on shaky ground, there is always more love available. Make it your priority this month to choose ONE self-love practice you can really amp up.

LOVE ACTION: Choose ONE self-love practice and practice it everyday! Choose any of the practices I provide in the self-love book Madly in Love with ME www.TheSelfLoveBook.com or make up one of your own. Just commit to doing it every day til Feb 28th.

3. SURROUND YOURSELF WITH OTHERS who are PRO-LOVE! Attend one of my events this February or create one of your own.
One thing I know for sure is that when we put ourselves into environments with other people who are taking a stand for LOVE, its so much easier to give ourselves permission to love. I just left Agape Spiritual Center in Los Angeles, where I am teaching on the 17th, and I am SO FULL of LOVE!!! So this February, I invite you to make an investment in your relationship with yourself and join me at any of these events…

LOVE ACTION: No matter what city you are in – there is a self-love event for you to connect into – Register now and make a date with yourself!”